Just for Nontrads: How to Make Friends in College

I think this is one subject that nontraditional students think about a lot, but don’t talk about much.

I know one thing I wanted to do when I was in school was to make new friends, no matter what their age. The reason? I just like people. All kinds. Besides, it always makes it more fun to have a friendly face or faces in class. And making new friends... it makes everything about being in college better.

I know I am not alone in wanting to make friends in college. And it might come easy for you. Hopefully, you will make friends in class just being there. But sometimes younger students can be more silent around older people. It can be difficult to make new friends when you are different.

Many nontraditional students aren't much older than "traditional" students. But some are a lot older. It can make younger students kind of shy to talk to some nontraditional students because they remind them of their parents – you know, people who might not always accept them for who they are. Like everyone, younger students don’t want to be judged too harshly. And perhaps they are cautious around you because of that.

Here are just a few ideas you might like to help make friends in college - whether you are in a face-to-face OR online class.

Hints for face-to-face classes:

1. Introduce yourself to the people sitting by you in class. This might not come naturally to you if you are a shy person, but go ahead and try it. You can also ask the person if they want to start a study group. Then when you start meeting, you can get to know these new people in a natural way. I know that’s what happened when I did it. The more you get to know the people, the easier it is to talk to them, too.

2. Don’t hog the class conversation. This can help the people in your classes like you better. Share the talk time. And don’t act like a know-it-all. You may have a lot to say, and this suggestion might be the hardest of all. But sit on those hands. Let others in your classes have their say.

3. Be in a good mood. Smile. This can let your fellow classmates know that you are an OK person and might help them open up to a friendship with you. Keep an extra pen and pencil around to lend. It can't hurt!

4. Make friends with younger people, yes, but also make friends with other, older nontraditional students. Join a nontrad group or start one at your college. You can also join other groups in your areas of interest. Groups at colleges are becoming more and more open to nontraditional students all the time, plus they are fun.

Hints for Online Classes

1. Try getting your classmate's phone numbers and meeting in person if this is possible. You can then study together and get to know each other. It could be fun. This is only possible when most of the students live in the same area, which doesn't always happen. The alternative: email or phone a classmate - help him or her with class assignments and be friendly.

2. Read the introductions that are sometimes posted on online class sites. Send an occasional email comment to people about the class, assignments, or just something you read on the class site. You might be pleasantly surprised and make a friend this way.

3. If your class allows for class discussions online, be there early and introduce yourself a little to your classmates, if possible.

4. If you are in a class that encourages comments on your classmate's work on the site, be sure to season any words of criticism with words of praise. Don't be too hard on fellow classmates when you critique their work, and they may return the favor. You might also make a friend this way!

I'm sure I just scratched the surface here with this subject. Do you have another suggestion? Please add it as a comment. Thank you!

My Related Blog Posts:

Relationships – and College
http://non-traditional-students.blogspot.com/2007/11/relationships.html

Two Top Nontrad Issues – One is Connecting with Younger Students
http://non-traditional-students.blogspot.com/2008/04/top-two-non-trad-issues.html

You Can’t Peg a Nontraditional Student
Or what younger students might be thinking about you…
http://non-traditional-students.blogspot.com/2007/04/you-cant-peg-non-traditional-student.html

Study Groups for Nontraditional Students
http://non-traditional-students.blogspot.com/2007/11/study-groups-for-non-traditional.html

Here are some more articles to read:

Making Friends – from the Cal Tech Counseling Center
http://www.counseling.caltech.edu/articles/makingfriends.html

Here WikiHow’s How to Make Friends in College
This is for younger students, but many hints apply to nontrads as well.
http://www.wikihow.com/Make-Friends-in-College

Nontrad Students in college - 11 more tips for success!

By Elizabeth Sheppard

Here are some tips for you nontraditional students in college right now or thinking about it. Some tips are just for face-to-face class students, but others will work for both in-class and online students.

1. Attend every class. (for online students, go online every time the instructor has scheduled.)

If you attended college before when you were younger, you might remember sometimes skipping class. After that, you might have asked a classmate to tell you what happened that day. I know when I did this, a fellow student might say “nothing much!”

Then, later, when it was test or quiz time, there were some questions that I just didn’t know how to answer. Oops!

That was back in the “bad ol’ days.” Much later, when I went back to school as a nontrad student, I knew that I needed every break I could get, so I just didn’t skip. Period.

2. Get to class early if you can. Online students, sometimes it might takea awhile for your computer to link up to the other computers if you are taking an online discussion class. Make sure you leave enough time to be online when class starts.

Face-to-face students: being early sometimes can help you make friends in class because you will be able to talk before class. Use this time to set up study groups or exchange phone numbers.

3. Keep a well-organized class notes folder, and take notes in class.

Online students: make sure you save every online session if possible.

Classroom students: You may choose to tape your lectures if you are an audio learner. Or you may just want to take notes in your notebook. Either way, make sure you keep some kind of record of each class to review before exams.

Keep your folder with you always. Label your folder with your name and phone number in case you lose it. (Always check after each class to make sure you put it in your backpack or the same location every time.)

4. Ask questions if you don’t understand something. Too many times, people won’t ask a question in class or online because they don’t want to look stupid. Believe me, the question you ask will probably be one that at least two or more people WANT to ask but are afraid to.

And if you ask it, the instructor will not mind at all. They want to be understood, and will most likely be very glad you brought it up.

And who cares what people think, anyhow? I know personally I used to care about that a lot more in the past than I do now. Maybe that’s because I’m older and realize that I’m not going to get everyone to like me anyhow, no matter what I do, stupid or not.

5. Don’t be afraid to highlight or underline in your textbooks.

I used to be afraid to mark in my textbooks. I just didn’t want to wreck them. I guess it was an echo from high school - - my teachers usually forbid any marking in a book back then.

But if it will help you remember something, or go right to it before a test, go ahead and mark it. It will help you get a better grade.

6. Sit in the front of the class. Remember when you didn’t want to be seen in class? If you are in a face-to-face class, it’s now OK to be in front. You can see and hear the instructor better, and he or she will probably remember you, too. It doesn’t hurt to get as many points as you can (without making the class hate you, of course…) Why not stack the deck in your favor?

7. Keep your hand down sometimes. Yes, you may always want to raise your hand in class every question the instructor asks… but let the other students have some time to talk, too. It’s too easy to forget that other people want to interact, too. Realize when you are talking too much and try to let others have their chance.

8. Exchange phone numbers with other students. If you aren’t able to access other student’s information, like their phone numbers, take the initiative and do it yourself. You should have at least three other students’ phone numbers in case you are ever sick or need information about class. Give them your number, and ask for theirs. Most people will be glad to have a contact also.

9. Search out clubs or organizations. If you have even a little extra time, you need to look up student groups that you can join. The addition of a social network at school can make school a lot more fun.

Many schools are now providing a nontraditional student group or center for nontraditional students to meet each other. If your school does not offer a group, you will find that many other student groups now are welcoming nontrads. Ask them and find out.

10. Back up your work. Make sure that you have an extra copy saved of that report, thesis, term paper, observation notes, etc. I remember several times that other students lost their computer disk the very week it was due. These students were in a world of hurt and had to make everything up in just a few days. They were devastated. I saw a few crying when they found out.

Don’t let this happen to you. Always make a backup of your computer work and save it in a safe place just in case. Think of it as insurance.

11. Know where your classes are. Before you finalize your schedule, make sure you know where you need to be at what time. It may look like you have plenty of time to get across campus in, say, 10 minutes, but make sure you can get there. Some classes may be in buildings way across campus from each other, and you will be late to one class all the time if you are not careful.

Have another tip? Just add a comment here and I'll put it on the next Tips List. Thanks!

For more tips, help and info.:

See the Nontrad Page or
Join the Nontrad Yahoo group

See some great PowerPoints online at the Austin Peay site

PowerPoints on Interesting Subjects

I found some PowerPoints today while researching Nontraditional student groups to put on the Nontrad site.

They are at the Austin Peay University Site. (Just click to go there.)

Included here are PowerPoints on Stress Management for Test Takers, Time Management, Strengthening Relationships, and more.

They are perfect for non-traditional students!

You can view them using Microsoft Powerpoint or the free viewer, available here.

I hope you like them!

___________________________________
More Links for the Nontrad Student:

The Nontraditional Student website

The Nontraditional Student Yahoo group

Download the free Microsoft PowerPoint Viewer here.

The header for this week's blog was made with clipart at the Microsoft Site.




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Two Top Non-Trad Issues...

TWO TOP NONTRAD ISSUES

A recent poll I had on this site is now over.

These are the top two issues from the poll that some non-traditional students are thinking about:

1. 72% (16): Keeping up with family and job issues. I can really understand this one, because taking courses takes a LOT of time, and so does working and taking care of a family.

I know that sometimes it's a hard choice between taking care of a sick child and going to class. There really isn't a choice sometimes.

I know of one teacher that allowed a mom to bring her child sometimes. I think that was VERY understanding. There simply was no other option for that non-traditional student sometimes.

About job issues, if a person works fulltime, he or she is already tired at night, but if he or she is taking a class, it just isn't possible to stop after work and rest. There is a lot more to do, every day, to keep up.

#2: 40% (9) Connecting with other older students: this one I can also relate to.

It does make it so much easier when there are other students to talk to about school that are your same age.

Sometimes schools have student groups that fill this need. I think this is such a good idea. Older students and students with families and job responsibilities can then have a sounding board for their issues. This can really help.

There is a lot of stress that older students have to deal with that younger students don't have. Older students have home, career, transportation, job, money, isolation, and a lot of other issues that can come up.

These things really do matter to older students, and it's so helpful to talk to an advisor or (even better) a friend who has been there.

For people who are non-traditional students who do not already have a group, please consider joining the Nontraditional Student Forum on Yahoo.

This is a growing group of older students nationwide who talk about many different issues.

There are also some valuable links on the group site that non-traditional students may find useful.

Until next time, I am:
Nontraditionally Yours,
--Elizabeth
The Nontraditional Student Yahoo Group
The Nontraditional Website

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About relationships...

About Relationships...


RELATIONSHIPS AND TV SHOWS:
I was watching a TV show yesterday night - Gray's Anatomy. To me, this show is all about relationships. So is another show I enjoy, Desperate Housewives. It seems like the relationships in both of these shows are continually changing. It's so interesting to see how the characters in each show handle these changes. Each character tries very hard to make and stay friends. Some relationships work well, and others self-destruct. But for most of the characters in each show, relationships are important.

RELATIONSHIPS AND COLLEGE:
It was a big, a huge change for me to become a non-traditional student. It wasn't just the classes and homework that was challenging. It was making new relationships at school that became a challenge in a new way. How would I fit in? I felt very different from other students, and I was nervous about that. I wanted to have a good experience, too, and for me, that meant connecting with other people as well as learning.

I feel like my quality of life, how I feel, and how well I do in my jobs, my personal life, or at school is greatly influenced by the quality of my relationships in each situation. It is when those relationships founder, or never are established in a good way, that major problems can occur. Plus, for me, I can't really be truly happy unless part of my life includes relating to others. That goes for all aspects of my life - including going back to school. Like many students, the first time I was in school, my major focus was my friends. Now, the focus was changed when I went back to school as a non-traditional students. My main focus was now my education - - but I still wanted to make friends, too.

I WAS VERY WORRIED AT FIRST...
As a former (and current) non-traditional college student who was attending class with many younger students, I worried, especially at first, about whether or not my classmates would accept me. I pretty much knew that they wouldn't invite me into their social activities, mainly because who wants a parent - or somebody the age of your parents - to attend a social get-together when you are in your late teens or early 20's? Nobody. At least, I wouldn't have if I were their age.

I was very surprised to find that some of the younger students were very accepting. They didn't seem to care a lot about my age. Some didn't seem to be as accepting - but that could have been just the way they related to others. They kept to themselves, or just talked with people they already knew from other classes.

It was very nice when I was able to make friends at college who were older, like me. We just seemed to have a lot in common. It was easier to relate. I didn't have to leave my comfort zone. But I still wanted to connect with younger people, too.

PUTTING MYSELF "OUT THERE":
With younger people, like most of the people were in my classes, I found I had to "put myself out there" and introduce myself a lot, or start up conversations. This took some self-prodding to make myself do that. It is something that I would have found almost impossible when I first was in school, but now I can make myself do it. It still is not first nature for me, but I was very glad each time when I forced myself to take the lead and try to draw somebody out of his or her shell. After the ice was partially melted, it made everything a lot easier and the atmosphere in class a lot less stilted.

RELATIONSHIPS WITH TEACHERS
The first time I was in school, I very seldom interacted with my professors. I was just too shy. This time around, though, I felt a lot less intimidated, and was able to accept help and advice if I hit a rough spot. My professors welcomed my questions, and I felt I learned a lot more through personal interaction with my professors as a non-traditional student.

What are your thoughts about the importance of relationships? What has worked for you as a non-traditional student to make real friendships? I would love to hear your stories. Maybe "put yourself out there" a little and you can even do it anonymously here.

You can't peg a non-traditional student

Each non-traditional student is different. I think we all agree on that.

But some younger students can disagree.

The perception I get from some younger students is that we (older people - older students) are all alike!

Here are some things that I think younger students can believe about non-traditional students:

1. We are set in our ways (definitely NOT true)

2. We don't have a sense of humor (ditto)

3. We don't want to make friends in class (the opposite is true)

4. We don't understand them (well... this can be true sometimes...)

5. We love being a teacher's pet. (simply nonsense. Of course, we do listen to the teacher most times, which can be confusing to some other students.)

I think if younger students got to know us, they would know that we are just like them - different in every way from a stereotypical older student.

Every non-traditional student is an individual, and prides him or herself on being such, just like younger students do.

I made some very good younger friends while I was back in school. They taught me that I can't put younger students in any box either. Younger students are also individuals, and proud of it.

I think it will be awhile before attitudes (like #1-5, above) change. It will take lots and lots of new non-traditional students joining younger ones in class.

The younger students will be able to observe the older ones close up, and they will realize very soon that there is not that much difference between them and us.

I think we can learn a lot from each other, and that we bring a lot to each class we are in.

What do you all think? Do you agree with me?

Non-traditional connections

This photo looks like Kentucky to me. It's from the Morguefile site, by franthony@morguefile.com. In fact, it's the picture of the day or month, and is there when you get to the site. I'm sure that he would appreciate hearing what you think of it. He named it "Sunrise." I really like it.

Today I wanted to write about Non-traditional students (of course) and talk about their interests. What I've found by meeting and talking with many non-traditional students is that they have many and varied interests. You can't just classify a non-traditional student just by being older and in college. Of course, many have families, but not all. Some have full-time jobs, some part-time. I have met genealogy and history buffs, teachers, grad students, artists, and people with many other interests.

I think it would be good to add an interests page to the Non-traditional Students website. That way, non-traditional students could talk to other non-traditional students about things they liked, about their interests and hobbies. It's what other students do... but non-traditional students don't always have the option of hanging out at the dorm, or even talking to other students in class. I think I should wrap my mind around this. I know when I was in college the first time, it was fun to get together with other students and sing and play guitar.

That's just an example of what I am thinking about today. I think that non-traditional students need to find more in school than just the classes and the grades. They need to connect via their hobbies and interests, too. Let me know if you, readers, have any ideas about this. Thanks ahead of time.

Non-Trads and younger friends

Barred Spiral Galaxy NGC 1300. From the Hubble Site.

I made some friends in classes last semester, and the other semesters. One thing about making friends in college when you are a nontraditional student is, you don't live on campus. You usually have a family and are used to being more of a homebody. The younger students are still into what you used to be into, like gatherings, parties, staying up all night, etc. etc.

Truthfully, I felt like I wanted to make friends as a non-traditional student and sometimes I had to make myself approach people in order to have that happen. It's a different dynamic. Some younger students think you just want to impress the professors, when actually, all you want to do is do your best. You see how important the class is to you, and you simply put your all into it. Sometimes it no longer matters -- or you make it not matter -- if people think you are doing "too" well or trying "too" hard.

I think when a person gets older they don't care as much about negative things like what others think about what they do. When a person is younger, peer pressure is paramount. Now, speaking for myself and I think a few others, I feel this way: if people don't like me for who I am, I have learned that I can still exist (and live) on my own.

Still, people do need friends. People don't want to hang out with their mom or dad (I'm talking about the younger students here -- the ones in class with you) but I think some younger people look below the surface at the person instead of the age. That's why I made some friends at school.

A person has to have a thick skin, though. Most of an older person's classmates might not feel entirely comfortable until they really get to know him or her. It's definitely a learning curve - for you and for them.

Online classes and relationships

Computer classes...
Originally uploaded by betsyanne.

On-line classes (or distance classes) vs. in-class classes:

It is really fun to take on-line classes sometimes. It's also true what they say, though - online classes can be even harder than "regular" classes where you are actually sitting in a class. When I took online classes, that's how it seemed to me. Not that it's impossible, only harder.

One of the younger students didn't keep up with one of the online classes I took. It was sad, too, because it was a writing class and the person was really talented. The ones (like me!) who just kept shloggin along did OK.

I did enjoy getting to know people face-to-face. It made going back to school more fun. You do get to know people sometimes in online classes. Some teachers like to meet for the first time in person, and then have the rest online. Some professors are doing some classes online, and some not. The day classes are mostly traditional. I think there is room for both. If a person MUST only take online classes, he or she must know that they take a lot of time, and he or she must check online often for assignments, and PLAN AHEAD.

Your Calendar
It's so important to have a calendar and mark out your personal deadlines there. You can take an assignment and break it up in to smaller pieces. That makes it SO much easier when it's crunch time and the assignment, paper, or project is all of a sudden due the next week. Don't set yourself up for high blood pressure or an all-nighter. The assignment calendar helps SO much. It has saved me many a time.